Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
