Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
