That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
