I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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