I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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