i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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