Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
