I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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