Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
