How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
