the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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