Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Houston, we have a blender
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
