Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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