I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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