You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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