i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
