we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
