He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
