Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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