a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I love you. Go after that dick
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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