proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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