someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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