all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Acid is not a monday night drug
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
