Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
