i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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