I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Did we literally take a cab across the street
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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