**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
