Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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