ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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