the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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