I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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