So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She bit a glass in half.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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