I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
