i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
