there's paper in my vomit.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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