sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
