I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize