woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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