Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sarcasm needs its own font
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
