1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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