You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
