he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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