Porn is love you can see.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
