Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
