she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
