My nipple is on Facebook.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
