i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's like God shit irony all over that family
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
