i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im holly from the hills drunk
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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