Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize