just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
