I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
