billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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