The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize