Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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