if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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