she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
