C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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