Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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