Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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