I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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