i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
