the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
