I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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