DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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