Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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