I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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