Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
