you're like a bully in the Christmas story
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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