omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
