In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
