Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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