i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your penis caused this!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
