my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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