Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
God I need to hump something, right now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
