We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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