I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
