You can't motorboat a personality
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
