He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Damn victory sex feels great
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
