During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They are going to name an STD after you.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
