You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's rum buckets o'clock
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
