In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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