remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
