I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
worst night to have a conscience
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
