looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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