Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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