I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
