The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My penis needs a shock collar
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
