dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize