i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
