I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
