just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize