we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
