i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
