I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
They are going to name an STD after you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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