walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
