I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
