We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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