pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
