i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize